Here is a little story I wrote about a year ago. Just went I started getting into writing shorts. It never really impressed me so I kinda forgot about it. A blog I follow reminded me of it. He posted a post about a wedding speech and this story seems to be one of the many proposal moments that run through my head at the oddest of moments... albeit devoid of a happy ending. Check his blog out :
lovelace-thegreyrainbow this one is for you my little Grey Rainbow.
The sun has set behind the ocean and a soft mist rolls in over the land, as a final reminder that it is going into night. Collecting a big black duffle bag from my boot I call to one of the car guards for assistance “ I have something very important to do and I have to lay it now. If you help me I will give you R100?” He eagerly agrees. We walk to the large paved platform that overlooks the swimming pools and the sea. I open the bag and start pulling out little lights. “We have to arrange it like this. But most importantly I need you switch them on,” pointing to the switch, “in about twenty minutes?”, looking at him to make sure he understands.
The lights are arranged perfectly so I walk back to my car to put the duffle bag back in the boot. Reaching in, I retrieve a medium sized box covered in black and white big goofy smiling pictures of myself. I am a little embarrassed but I think some old school cheese might set the tone. I close the boot, look left and right and cross the road to the apartment block on the other side. I ring the buzzer for number 57. Waiting nervously for the muffled voice through speaker, it finally comes through, “Hello?”
With a little apprehension I reply “Hi…its me…. surprise?”
“Who?”.
Even more nervous now my throat starts to croak, “Ummmm, babe, its me”. It is just silent. Then the door buzz’s. I go in.
Standing at the elevator waiting for it to come down I try rearrange my hair in the frosted mirror. Bing! The lift arrives at the ground floor. In the elevator and I push 5. Every slow turn of the motor makes my heart beat faster and faster. The elevator comes to a sudden halt. I push the door open and turn to the left. I knock on the door and wait patiently for him to answer the door. He opens the door with a huge grin. I walk in and without saying a word I push my lips against his. He pulls me inside and closes the door. He pushes me up against the door and removes my pants with effortless ease. In an instant I am rock hard and before I know it, he is on his knees working my knob to a throbbing swell. He flips me around and plunges his tongue in between my pert cheeks. With every slash of his tongue, I begin to bend more and more at the knees, he stands up and sticks his hard cock inside of me. I clutch the door from the sheer force. He holds it for a while before slowly thrusting. He builds up speed until he is banging me like a ball against a wall, back and forth. We cum.
Flopping down to the floor, we sit side by side. He lights a cigarette, has a few drags and passes it to me. He points to the box, “What’s in the box? Are those pictures of you all over it?” He grins the way I had hoped he would. With a huge smile back at him I reply, “It’s a surprise my lover. I made a few purchases on my little cruise trip for you. I guess I just wanted you with me.”
I lift the lid off the box and pass the lid to him. “Oh my word, look at you all over this box. It is so cute lover.”
“Wait till you see the little things inside”, I begin to take the odd little gifts and give them to him, part two in my plan, to shower him with gifts; a sparkling watch, a range of perfumes, a pure cotton shirt and something gold to decorate his long neck.
Once we calm down he sees the photo of myself in the bottom of the box. “That’s a beautiful picture my love…”
“I was a little drunk and I passed the guys that take photos on my way to have upper and I thought I should have one done just for you… I wrote on the back but before you read it I want some… do you have some wine… lets have some wine and stand on the balcony, there is something I need to tell you.” He grabs two slender wine glasses and a bottle of Pinotage. I insist on opening the wine and pouring, “You can read it while I pour”
“The man on the other side of this letter is in love with you. He is naïve in many ways and is prone to making monumental fuck ups. And he is in love with you. He can be self involved and completely unrealistic. But he loves you. He has the biggest heart in the world. He will always have your back. He will always strive to make you laugh. He will always help you when help is needed. He will never stop loving you, unconditionally and in whatever capacity you need… he is devoted to you. He needs you more than you need him.”
My heart races as he reads it. I feel completely exposed. Maybe it is too much? What if he just does not feel the same way? The silence is not so much a silence but a deafening roar from the crashing ocean in the background and it relentlessly smashes over and over for what seems to be hours. Then he looks up at me. “This is the sweetest thing I have ever read, thank you… ummmmm… just need to run to the bathroom quick.”
This makes me nervous. I take a big swig of my wine. Pacing up and down in the apartment I wonder if this is the right decision. Loving this man is so easy. He is an amazing person but am I amazing for him. I feel inadequate, like a swimmer just falling short of the A-team, am I out of my league? Sure I am giving it a good try but is this trying too hard? He comes out the bathroom and walks straight to me and gives me a big hug, “You are a really loving person and I am smitten by your fresh and untainted take on love. I keep thinking you are just going to leave me for someone younger, but I love you too. I just think that you will trade me in sooner rather than later…umm… I kinda have to meet someone somewhere real quick, I am going to have a smoke then I am gonna go.” I am a little surprised at his response. Is he telling me that he loves me but can’t trust me? That he is with me but not banking on it turning into something real? Am I living a life in love on my own?
He picks up his box of smokes and walks to the balcony. I totally forgot about the guy down stairs with the lights we set up on the floor. And there he sees it ‘Marry Me”
He ignores the lights from below and continues to smoke. I remain inside the apartment with fear of admitting that the light display is for him. His cigarette seemed to last forever as we stood in silence. I could hear the crackle of the tobacco burning with every drag he takes and the red tip burns bright with the backdrop of the moonlit ocean behind him. He stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray. “I’m off lover. Make yourself comfortable…have you eaten? Why don’t you go down to the restaurant for dinner and I should be back by the time you are done eating.”
He looks at me waiting for a response so I say, “ummm, yeah, sure… that should pass the time.” He kisses me on the forehead and leaves.
Like a shy child on a playground who sat sharing his sweets with a potential friend only to have that said friend leave once the sweets are over, I felt completely stupid and used. This was not at all how I had planned it. This was not the way it is suppose to be. Am I just hoping for something that probably wont come true, a far off fantasy that’s hard to reach? Instead of going to the restaurant I decide to stay and clean up his home. I start running the hot water in the sink and gently place the dirty glasses in it. As I wipe each glass till its crystal clear I realize that there are plenty of champagne glasses. Who was celebrating and what were they celebrating?
I immediately stopped washing. I do not fit in here and as hard as I try its not going to fit. I dry my hands and leave the apartment. It’s the c-point, I am at commitment central and I am unsure if my decision is the correct one. I am stuck in a conundrum, leave because I should go or stay because I want to stay. I’ll love him, carry it with me and hopefully he will come after me, hopefully. My knight…I will wait for you.
And I waited.
