Just Sink Wash Your Junk!

"Imagine you went down on someone and their joint tastes like cheese and chives chips..." a friend said that to me one evening.

After some wine to fuel the mood, him and i got the giggles where we said some of the dumbest things to each other.  But along with the dumb comes the fun and the idea of taking second helpings or double dipping to another really fascinated us.

How would we respond?  How would you respond?  Say it was even a quick little hook up and the hottie standing in front of you just whips it out, as if he is presenting you with a prize, and once you pop it in your mouth all you can taste is the meal, that the person sucking before, was eating.  Gross... right?  Or completely hilarious?  At what point do you say "No, I will not suck that..." or rather should I say for who would we say no to.

How arrogant must a man be that he would not even sink wash his junk before the next man in line?  So do we perceive that arrogance as hot or not?

So prevent any chance of a second meal, here is a plan for you guys who love the odd blow job - run some water and stick your dick under it.  Give it a few jiggles then finally you have made an effort to keep it clean.  Etiquette for random and anonymous cock-sucking... who would have though? LOL

Mediterranean Climate Says What?

Moving from an area where winter temperatures drop below zero to an area where the lowest temp averages around 10 degrees C, I figured that the winter would be a breeze as I would not have to wear as much clothes or have to be decked out in winter’s thickest wooly warmers.  I never actually gave any thought to the whole Mediterranean climate and how that will actually affect me.   How do I prepare?  What do I wear?  And what should I be looking out for in terms of getting sick because of the areas natural weather conditions? 

What a Mediterranean climate really means is that the rainy months happen in winter as apposed to the summer rainfall I was use to back up on the Highveld.  Now I figured a little rain in winter would be pleasant instead of the face cracking dryness that no amount of moisturizer can combat but once I was living the little bit of winter rain it all proved to be far more troubling than just a case of a little bit of water.  There is also the unexpected and ever dangerous wind and teaming it up with the fact that it rains just about anytime, I was heading for an ear infection.  It was made worse by the fact that I kept thinking I was hit by the flu and the past few days was a bunch of self-medicating for the wrong prognosis which ultimately did absolutely nothing except numb out the fact that I was slowly going deaf.

Eventually I was deaf with only the ringing in my ears.  So I climbed in a cab and went to the hospital for help.  Something was wrong and I thought maybe I was having a reaction to the medication I was taking on my own accord.   

Here’s to the great staff at Cape Town’s 24 hour Emergency Medi Clinic for doing such an amazing job at helping me deal with the pain through the night and then fighting the infection.

But now I have been in bed trying to get my hearing back to optimum efficiency and at the same time I have quit smoking.  Looks like asthma has also snuck up on me so I have had to replace my little cancer sticks with a pump that allows my little girl chest to open up and take a breath.

So what is the lesson?

Keep warm and dry.

Stop smoking.

Stay out of the wind.

Go to a doctor the second you feel sick.

For Serious

I really do not know how to put this...
I have been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks allowing the people that work there to scan my brain looking for any damage or tumor.  Then lights were flashed in my eye while nodes were attached onto my head so they can measure the brain activity.  Then blood was sucked out and sent away for various tests.  From a GP, to a neurologist and settling on a psychiatrist they have finally concluded that my epilepsy has moved.  So now how do I break this down to make it simple to understand even for myself...

So, lets pretend brain activity is like a mexican wave, rolling around a stadium in unison.  Epilepsy would be, as the wave approaches, everyone at that point in the stadium just standing up and sitting down at random and constantly.  It breaks the flow of the wave, the flow of energy.  And why are these people doing this, excitement!  And that is where the seizure comes from, the excitement threshold which, in my case, is very low.  And this is why I struggle opening presents in front of a person that just gave it to me, the anxiety, I literally feel like tunnel vision sets in and everything around this gift does not exist, I cannot see beyond it.

It is not a lack of activity but too much activity which then results in a person loosing control of their body and having a seizure.  and here is where I learnt something new.  a seizure is different depending on where the over activity is coming from in the brain.  Now I have not had a seizure like I use to have for a while.  I assumed that it is the medication that is working.  However, the over activity has moved from a part of the brain that would effect my motor skills to a part that effects my emotions.  So instead of loosing consciousness  and convulsing, I am more prone to mood swings, dizziness and disorders like agoraphobia.  Admittedly I have not been out of my home for a while and I cry too much but I fucking finally know what the fuck is going so wrong in my head.  I assumed I was just depressed.

So, if you are someone with bi-polar disorder or suffering from depression then you are probably on the same medication as what I take.  Read side effects, they  play a part in your everyday life.  For instance, Lamictin is a med I was on for years and the increase was subtle so I did not realize it at first but those meds can cause hallucinations and I use to hear things so vividly.  I use to keep it to myself out of fear that I was just going crazy and slowly I drove myself crazy when in fact it was the wrong meds for me.

Read your side effects.  Talk to your doctor regularly and find a doctor that asks way too many questions.  And find someone to talk to about it all - this is something I struggle to do, I still have not even told someone that I have been through all of this, so dont be a coward like me, I am sure people are more kind than I think they are - I guess I feel so alone in this and the only reason for that is because I never say anything.  I try not burden people with my condition because at the end of the day it is something I am still yet to learn how to live in unison with.

I like to think we all pretend we have a grasp on certain aspects in our life that we in fact don't, mine is my health... actually, it's my brain and not my health.  I am a pretty healthy young man but my brain, it just over works itself.

Ostrich... it tastes like beef

So, with the occasional M&M mishap, I have actually been on a real mission to try beef up.  Pushing weights regularly and upping my protein intake.  It all seems to be working well but since I switched all my beef intake to ostrich it has really made a difference.  Leaner and tastier, I really have been having fun with all the different cuts. 

• Ostrich meat resembles beef in looks and taste
• When compared to other types of white meat, like chicken and turkey, ostrich meat has low fat content and the calories in ostrich meat is also very low. 
• To be more precise, ostrich meat has 66% less fat than beef, 50% less fat than chicken and less calories than chicken, turkey, pork, lamb and beef.
• Ostrich meat is rich in proteins and contains more iron than beef, lamb, turkey, chicken and pork.
• It can also be observed that ostrich meat does not have fat marbling, as seen in beef.
• The popularity of ostrich meat may also be due to its sweeter and richer taste when compared to other types of meat. 
• For cooking, it has to be noted that ostrich meat cooks faster, as it has very low fat content.

Here is a little quick pasta dish to get you going:


250g Ostrich Mince
1/2 Onion
2 cloves of garlic
1 chili
5 ripe tomatoes
fresh Basil
5 medium sized brown mushrooms
Wine


Pasta


Crush the garlic and chop up the onion.  
Fry the garlic till a little bronze and then add the onion.
Once the onion browns remove.
Fry the ostrich - remember to keep it in chunks as appose to breaking it into fine parts.
Add the chopped chili, simmer for 10 min and remove from stove.
Slice the mushrooms and fry to remove all water.
Place wine and tomatoes in a large pot and bring to the boil.
Once the tomatoes soften reduce to thicken the sauce.
Add onion mix, mince and mushrooms into the tomato sauce.
Add the basil and allow to simmer on a low heat while you prepare the pasta.


And Enjoy

D...is just another craving?

So, drugs, well lets be honest, no body needs to tell you that they are a bad idea. Well just in case, its a bad idea. It really is, if for no other reason than that it is bad for your body. With that said I feel the need to say that you should do exactly what ever the fuck you want to do. I want to not, enough said.

Sex... well here is a little nugget. I thought for a moment that sex was controlling me however, after long debate I came to a lovely conclusion. I am just someone with a high sex drive. I have a viewpoint of it as if it is food, and I need it three times a day to keep me going. Trying to avoid sex makes me think about it more so how do I combat this in a healthy way...?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Well this is about reconnecting with ones self! My Hint - No Movies, No magazines, No on lookers, just you! Try it.



















Well, with my naughtiest wanker grin, till next time.

D... the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

So, why would alcohol be such a huge problem in my life, I mean I can get trashed when I am partying which is often, maybe just stop partying? Well, you see I dont drink all the time, its not a case of brandy with my corn flakes and so it is not controlling or interfering with my life.

The answer is a personal one because as a person with epilepsy drinking creates a wider gap for a seizure to occur and not to mention that mixing booze and meds together is just plain old dangerously stupid. The booze binges would leave me completely emotional for three main reasons... 1, the alcohol does not mix with my medication. 2, the meds are to be taken specifically at 12 hour intervals which I dont do if I know I will be drinking. 3, I am already an emotional person.

I have not had a booze binge in 28 days but I have had one whiskey and water on three separate days. Even when I went out and had the ever delicious shot of tequila I hurled it right back up. My body is finally catching on that my days of swaying at a bar shooting back tequila shots off of a mans body are over.

My hint for curbing the booze a little - avoid shooters, they are the ones that jump up suddenly and scream "HEY, SURPRISE, YOU ARE DRUNK MO'FO!!" and nobody is attractive when they are plastered.

Till next time.

D.... it all starts with food.

So, I find it extremely difficult to just stop eating the junk I get use to eating and the craving overwhelms me. This whole little song and dance is actually quite taxing on my mind and on my sleep, when I start to dream of things I want to eat. My point is that food is still controlling me even if it is healthier choices. Plus I do not want to be one of those health folk who can only talk about health food and the beast way to cook an organic skinless chicken breast with broccoli and ginger sauce... I mean it has to be worse than talking about ones job, or the weather. Boring!

I need what I want to eat to flow sort of naturally. I begin with eating berries. Actually overloading on them. Breakfast, lunch, dessert, in between snacks. Fresh strawberries, cranberries and mulberries. They are high in Vit C and rich in blah blah blah....basically they are good for the brain. Its all high in glucose and gets the brain working at maximum efficiency. Plus cranberries are good for the flow of blood ergo no urine infections plus they aid in preventing testicular cancer. We must do what we can to keep our bits in pristine condition.

Time to grow a mulberry tree and a fair sized strawberry patch (you will need to plant about 50 to get a patch that will produce enough for a small family over the season).

And what you will notice after choosing a fruit that you enjoy eating and eat it regularly you will find yourself craving them, needing them, wanting them. Slowly the need to pop the packet of caramel covered popcorn will subside.

My hint for a better diet - dont subtract just add, add the good things, your body will find the balance.

Till next time.

We All Have Dads!

How did I get back to my home town, a place I vowed never to return to, a town that beat down every little naturally gay gesture to the point that I make conscious decisions about how I act in public, how my hands move, how soft my voice is yet with the same breath I am so thankful for the man I have become large part because I grew up in the small town of Springs, South Africa. Is it a mining town or a farmers town? Are we an English town or Afrikaans? We stand confused on a scarcely busy Nigel Road that is decked out with Palm trees from town to Northern Suburbs and wonder what is this place?



It was a boiling hot day in Cape Town when I got the call... "Juanne, your dad has stage four cancer". My mind went blank while trying to soak up the information that my dad has been showing symptoms of an illness for two years and only now they diagnose him with cancer... and just for anyone out there that knew as little as I did, Stage 4 is like really really bad. The cancer is in ones blood stream at this point and it is slowly spreading to the rest of the body.


So I packed my car and drove the 1400km back home. The chemo left my dad weak so I came home to help him run his business and just add some moral support. It was late Autumn so the garden was looking good still. We have this small court yard at the entrance of our home where my dad had actually built his own Koi pond from scratch. I decided to get my green fingers to work. My train of thought was if maybe I get stuff to grow around a feature in the garden that has life maybe it will just give my dad the extra mental boost he needs to want to live or at least fight to live.

It was a matter of days before I rushed him to the hospital and as he sat in the back seat extremely hesitant to get out of the car I caught a look in his eyes I have never seen before, of fear. He looked up at me as if he knew this is going to be the last time he gets out of this car. My heart cracked down the middle like frost splitting cold, hard rock in two. I had to encourage my dad to get out the car and go into the hospital when all I wanted to do was race him to the sea. Sit with him and watch the sunrise over the Indian ocean one last time.

A few days later I went into hospital. I was down playing a stomach ache when suddenly it dawned on me it could be my appendix and it could end potentially fatal if I don't have it removed. While I was being tortured in the Springs Parkland Hospital my dad slipped away...

I immediately wanted to leave the hospital that very morning and as I stepped outside I felt the freezing cold air burn my face. It was the night of the black frost. Everything died. Every plant around the pond was dead, life seemed to stop. I was surrounded with death, a black, bitter and icy death.

I told him as often as I could that I loved him, way before The Big C! I spent as much time as I could with him but no matter how you spent the past when the future is no more the pain is the same. It takes its toll not only on the person with cancer but everyone around that person. One thing, its a fighter and you HAVE TO FUCKING FIGHT BACK!