"Going Bi"

July issue of Exit:

“A Slice of Gay Pie: Going Bi”

By Juanne-Pierre de Abreu

It’s the tale of two cities and the Ben Schoeman Highway joins the said two cities. And although they are connected there is still a great divide nonetheless. The aforementioned highway can be seen more as a river that splits the land and on one bank we have English-speaking South Africans and the other bank is cluttered with Afrikaans-speaking South Africans.  Sure the river is not difficult to cross but the need to cross the river… is there actually a need?  And is there a concurrency?

A bottle of Glade oil incense can be shaken up to mix the oils but the oils inevitably separate in the end, can the same be said for our two groups?  Johannesburg is predominantly an English-speaking city and Pretoria is an Afrikaans-speaking city.  With the pop-up of clubs like Risqué and Babylon the two languages did find a common ground, however venture closer to the CBD and you will find the language that rules that perspective area.  How you might ask.  Well if the car guard says “Kan ek jou kar oppas?” then you know.

In Cape Town, that distance from English to Afrikaans is quite a bit shorter.  Namely the CBD is considered English, along with the Atlantic Seaboard, and everything else that surrounds the city is Afrikaans. Then in our Gay community, are the two languages on opposite sides of the same playing field?  Or are we just on the same field? And do we think less of and judge a man if he speaks with an accent, in our mother tongue?  Is it possible for all of us to just get along?

So one lone evening I wrapped myself up in my finest gay chic theatre wear meets skater boy outfit and marched over to the theatre to get a glimpse into the arts in terms of going bilingual. 

“Lament in G” and as the name suggests, it was going to be an extremely heavy, sorrowful story presented in song and with passion.  I was intrigued by the fact that it will be told in two languages and maybe this will provide another perspective on the great divide from the straight world side of things.

In the end I had the impression that the dominant person eventually engulfed the production in their language, and for good reason.  He was dominating.  Once removed the balance restored.  Was there no way they could find an equal ground together?  This made me think of the guys in our community who are seeing a man who has a different home language.  Are they finding a common ground?  Or is it a case of the dominant one taking over?  And what effect will this divide have on a relationship?

Leaving the comforts of my own surrounding I ventured out to the north to a ‘Gat Party’.  I have no idea why it is actually called that, but that is what it is called.  I figured this would be a great platform on which to dive into the topic of the great divide or going bi.  Alas it did not get me any closer to finding couples who have gone bi, or at least the men I managed to chat to were Afrikaans, no English boyfriend in sight.  However it was brought to my attention that usually the Afrikaans guys will try adapt to the English guys world and not the other way around.  Why are English guys so stubborn in terms of not venturing out of their comfort zones?  And similarly, am I to believe that Afrikaans guys are so fickle that they would abandon their heritage in the hopes of finding love?

Looking around the hall and the couples dancing together, I realized how cute the boys were.  They were all so healthy, wholesome, brown bread eating men and it was delicious to see.  The Boers are obviously feeding something whole grain and mighty strong or I am just use to the scrawny necks and gaunt faces of the English speaking community?  I was impressed with the Buffet on offer. 

Tweetalige! Om twee tale te praat, is dit nie die doel van dit alles? Staat te wees om 'n man uit die skare te kies en gaan, ongeag van die huistaal, sal dit nie die ware prys in so ' n tweetalige land? Dit lyk ons kanse om dubbel op die vind van 'n liefde. En is dit nie die hele punt van verkenning oor soek so onverbiddelik vir 'n mate?

In the end I realize that we have nothing to loose from going bi, so go ahead and double your chances. 

Deadlands in the Mother City

“Deadlands” is set right here in the Mother city, in a post apocalyptic world where the dead have destroyed the world we all know.  The shit hits the fan during the world cup soccer 2010 however our story takes place much later.  It follows Lele’s journey.  A journey of self-discovery really but it is wrapped up so nicely with political crap and cultural relevance in terms of historical content mambo jumbo – which is all brilliant and I found it a treat in the book as I read on, so I don’t want to let onto exactly how they went about it.  Do not want to spoil it for you.  Nor do I want to go on about what makes the book a piece of literary genius (in my opinion) but prefer to focus on what makes this book a ride, a fast ride through the barrel of a cracking wave.

I really loved this fucking book!!!  And I do realize that writing a review with profanity is rather odd but I just fucking loved this book!  Is it because it is a first for South Africa, the first zombies to hit our shores?  Or is it because I just love a good adventure story?  Especially when told through the eyes of a special and brave young girl - funny how gays identify more with a teenage girl than anyone else, just look at the film "Mean Girls", those bitches were nothing but gay guys in mini skirts.

Look, to be fair the book started off pretty weak or rather my attention was flagged at the beginning where I had to reread the first few pages.  In fact I was confused with where I was, who I was following (not reading the blurp) and what was happening but eventually the girlies story gets going and I am totally enveloped in what is going to happen next.  I cant exactly pin point why the establishment was so confusing for me, probably because I wanted to actually know where I was, which side of the mountain, the suburb and all that jazz.  Either way it was actually irrelevant because there is an entire story we actually need to get to and wasting time on establishing Lele's geography does seem a little superfluous. 

Soon enough the action picks up real quick, along with the fantasy side of it.  With zombies in the story I expected some horror but the fantasy side of it was a wonderful surprise.  I mean the book is set in the future yet the people are living a life like they are back in the stone ages, always a fun twist to the idea of humanities regression in the future to come. 

And then there is a fight… oh my god, they are twins… she has something special about her… she meets this new guy… he sounds so enigmatical…. Throw in a whole bunch of brightly lit magic and love…. Damn, yo!  Really cool little book!

I will not say more… Go get it yo!

Mild or Hot?

'127 Hours' is a great movie, it truly is an amazing story.  Although looking at some of Boyles previous films one might suggest he has a preoccupation with insanity.  I might even be so bold as to ask Mr. Boyle if he has ever suffered temporary insanity whether mild or extra hot.

I have, lets say it was hot, and I am not even talking about my wild crazy-teenage-girl blowouts one may have had the unfortunate time of seeing.  

It was a boiling hot day one weekend away in the dry bush.  I had set up the tent - arriving first because I managed to finish college early - and I decided that walking to the rock pools will provide the fuel to want to get there.  The thirst was suppose to get me going even faster to get hydrated but it only made me dehydrated.  And that is really the scientific way of saying you are going crazy.  Now that is something they don’t mention.  You hear how you will die without water but no one ever stresses how quickly one can go off their nutter just from the lack of a little sip sip sip.  

So, there I am hiking through a wilderness park, no shade in the arid area, no water close at hand, no map to keep me on the right track and alone.  Naturally I get lost because that is what one does when one is looking for a lone adventure.  And the 40 minute walk to the beautiful and natural rock pools turned into a walkabout some rocky terrain before eventually passing out.  

Now that is what I love about telling an insanity story.  The only version we have in this situation to get an idea of what exactly went down comes from the mouth of what is essentially a crazy person… so here is what I think happened.

I became disorientated from the heat and the lack of water.  Mix that in with epilepsy and a pack of baboons that start growling and what do we have?  One man down.  To me it felt like I stumbled and just turned around and walked back the way I came however as blood started dripping down my face and out of my legs I realized things might be a little bit more serious than I initially imagined because I cannot seem to remember where I was at that precise moment.  I had even cracked my ankle.  

The walk back was excruciating, lying down time and time again thinking that it would be easier to just lie there and die.

It took me the entire day to get back to the camp and the first thing I did was wash the blood off... drench my mouth in water then wash all the blood away.  Then I went to lie down. 

And that brings me back to the movie, it really showcased a mans will to survive and big ups to James Franco. He pulled it off.  The man keeps saying goodbye to the camera he has with him which shows how often he was willing to say goodbye before he was actually ready to give up… really.  And how time with friends and family means everything.  The latter should really be what we take home with us, to treasure our family and friends along with the moments, the phone calls, the laughter and the silly little messages.  In essence our loved ones are really what encapsulate our lives and treasuring moments with them is in actual fact just treasuring the life we live.

geoff first time cottager cottages at last.. Monkey dust

just one more and i'll stop...

True Blood - All Over My Face

It begins with a bang.  I am hooked as soon as Vampire Bill and the sexy shape shifting Sam brush an almost-almost without their shirts on.  And then to follow it up, the show has these nude werewolves saturate the screen at one point with their beefy, hairy, manly vibe totally oozing off my little flat screen into my eyes and seeping to the back of my brain.  As a man I am sure you can imagine how absolutely delighted I was to be seeing so much blatant agenda pushing… right?  That is what we, as men, all love – nudity.  That is what makes a truly good television program, albeit male nudity these days, but who’s complaining.

Cut back to the story, Bill has been kidnapped after proposing to his love… ah, how beautiful.  Who gives a shit really… I want the chase, the adventure and the fight for love.  I always believed anything that is easy to get is probably not really worth having, so in that regard if it were easy they would not have called it love.

It’s not about that white picket fence, the two and a half children or the giant house with rolling lawns.  That is not what I dream of when I think of loving someone and therefore True Blood always hits close to my little heart.  Granted it is blown out of proportion and that is not exactly a clear indication of the life/love I chase but it represents something cool that appeals.  The chase, the wild sex, the unconditional love, the adventure, the wild sex, the mystery, the passion and the wild sex.  I could do that for the rest of my life. 

And now we get back to the greatest love story still being told… so he has gone missing and with that turn of events the small, meek and bright eyed Sookie has to search for her lover.  Loving the stereotypical gender bending they are doing here.  She finds him, they run, he eats, she leaves, they cry, he fights and then they make love again!  Deliciouso! 

One of my favorite bits, a vampire says to Eric “We have been together so long, how can it be ending so quick?”  It’s a favorite because it got me thinking about so much when it comes to relationships.  It is so true how we can spend so much time with someone but the end is always the same, sudden, and we are all left wondering why did we not have more time together?  Why did we not make more of the time we had together? And why does it have to end?

So, at the risk of sounding too gay I am going to give you three reasons I dig Sookie Stackhouse (and I have tried to relate to a man in the show however they all want a piece of her… ergo I want to be her LMAO):

One - “Sookie is MINE!!!” he says with his dark and sexy voice every once in a while and I am totally turned on by that kind of possession even if it is a case of using manipulation to make her fall for him.

Two - If I am a fairy and Sookie is a fairy… then A should equal B, correct? 

Three – She has a dark side, a very dark side.  Not only is she in love with a dead guy, a man that can drain her of her life and a man who cheated his way into her heart and her life but by the end of season three she is busy disposing the remains of a vampire down a garbage disposal which is really out of the bright shining light character. 

Damn, this show is so hot right now!  And that is season three done for me.

Monkey Dust: Cottaging Guy - Red Hot Meat

This is like my new fav thing ever...

Beautiful Thing

It’s a coming of age story told in true Brit fashion riddled with dry humour and oh such a gem to watch.  If you have not seen it you should, but get it for like a Tuesday night vibe because it really isn’t mind-blowing filmmaking here.  I could blobber (that’s is blogging blabber) on about the film and its story but I like to relate a film or a certain aspect of it to something in my life or life in general.  That way I feel the film has moved closer towards something more than just entertainment and it is really art.

 It’s the scene at the end of “Beautiful Thing” where the one boy asks the other to dance right there in the courtyard of the apartment block because they are leaving it and going towards new beginning and all that jazz.  Here is the vital life lesson I carry with me - if two boys can hold each other and dance in front of people because they love each other then two grown men in love, especially in gay Cape Town 2011, should be able to swap a loving kiss in a grocery store.  However, you will be surprised how many of us, as gay men, are reluctant to show public affection in innocent surroundings such as a Spar. When did we become embarrassed of ourselves, our lovers and our love? 

To find a man that sees nothing else but you and plants a sweet kiss on your tender lips while you stretch your arm out for that liter jug of full cream milk… is that not love?  How can one sit back and preach love when that love can only transcend into something tender behind closed doors or in a dark and seedy gay bar?  To me that sort of shying away from affection in the ‘straight’ public reads completely as embarrassment.  Especially when one of the men in such a relationship is completely affectionate and devoid of self-awareness in terms of his love being the ‘other’ based merely on the fact that it is two men.

 

Where do we draw the line between public indecency and public affection?  And to me that is where my point pops its silly little head up.  I think the word public is irrelevant as it should really be about two people, the man reaching for the milk and the other man staring at him as he reaches for that milk.  Now I am not about to rip off my shirt and give a man a lap dance on the processed meats nor would I condone it… well unless it’s just me looking, but the idea that someone can look at me doing a pretty ordinary thing such as grocery shopping and be helpless to stop himself from kissing me is intoxicating.  It is captivating.  How can you not find the whole idea completely delicious?  That sort of sexual rush leaves me feeling inebriated to the maximum and I would love it if it were ever to happen to me… but does it take a man confident in his own sexuality to pull it off or is it purely based on how intoxicating he finds you?  Maybe it is the combination of the two and we need both in order to forget whoever is looking...

 

Life is just too short guys and maybe you might want to open yourself up and consider holding the man’s hand, hey.  Because Love is a Beautiful Thing!  Don't shy away from it!

Geoff Jeff Cottager Monkey dust Mardi gras

Hehehe

Björk - Crystalline (Full New 2011) + Lyrics

A Million Miles From Normal

 

A Million Miles From Normal is essentially chicklit – a book for women, so why would I choose to read it as a man?  That is because this world is fast becoming one of gender bending where men wear guy-liner and women drive trucks.  That is not to say that the majority of the world does not live in clear lines in terms of sex being an identifier in terms of our mannerisms or outward appearance.  Getting back to the point, I date men and so does ‘Rachel’ – ergo I figured I would relate to the book.  And she is also out on a mission to meet that man, she is not just sitting around waiting for him, she gets quite active about finding herself a lover and I enjoy that sort of pro active attitude in finding love.

Love this book number one: Rachel is looking for love.

The story rolls really nicely from paige to paige with a little status update thrown in there every once in a while bringing the world of social media into this fictional world.  Something I really enjoyed were these little status updates, and it had my brain racing on themes of fact and fiction when it comes to our social networks, themes of being connected yet so far away from each other, juxtaposing who we are and how we feel with who others see us as and how they perceive us to be.  And what do I mean by this long winded sentence here, basically the shame and embarrassment Rachel feels is actually not a cool feeling therefore posting it as a status update made that ‘shame’ funny for the reader (‘reader’ being a friend on facebook in the fictional world of Rachel).  So who we are and how we feel is largely skewed when it comes to how it is understood due to the competition in emotion between social networking versus real life?

Love this book number two: it gets me thinking.

Rachel is also a woman that is really just running away from her problems instead of owning them.  Her chase for love and work is a nice little cover up for the fact that she feels like a turtle without a shell and all she wants to do is hide her head.  How many of us have taken a job or ventured into a business prospect that did not work out and left us feeling like a failure?  Failure leaves the soul emaciated.  And that shame can often send us off on a round about across the world in an attempt to cover up that said shame.  But no matter how much running we do the truth is always running just behind us with a batten of embarrassment ready to pass it back to us and eventually we all just have to slow down and take the damn thing.

Love this book number three: she struggles to take the shame.

Two male characters really pop out to me and to Rachel but from the beginning I was into the mess.  The guy that is the mess.  The description of the man is so repulsive in terms of his self-loathing and lack of ambition and I was totally hooked.  There is just something about someone who is too smooth that irks me to such a point that I really just want to smack him but the man who clearly does not have it all together, well now there is a man that can impress and surprise more than the man that impresses and surprises from the get go.  So I was into the mess and he grew on me the more I read about him plus he made me laugh with his lack of control in a disastrous presentation that brought Rachel to her knees.

Love this book number Four:  I had a little book-crush on her art director.

There you have it, Four Reasons to keep your eye out for “A Million Miles From Normal” by Paige Nick… check out her blog too www.amillionmilesfromnormal.blogspot.com