A Slice of Gay Pie: To Screw the Shrew out of You

Published in November 2011 issue.

It all came about in the most unlikely place, a Mac Donald’s fast food take out joint.  After a few glances over at each other, it was time for one of us to make the bold decision and say hello.  But was it a bunch of mix messages? 

Eventually one just needs to grab ones balls and say to the cute guy sitting across the restaurant, “Hello, my name is yada yada”. 

So I did.  My nerves were getting the better of me because, to be fair, I have not picked a man up in a “straight” area in such a long time.  I felt like a virgin again.  One awkward line lead to another before I found out that the chunky red head is not familiar to the area.  Being in Jozzie as a visitor, I decided to play the out of Towner role too.  Mainly because I did not know if I could trust him enough to just to go back to his place. 

In my luck he was actually searching for a cruising bar but gave up and opted for getting something to eat.  So I hollered at the opportunity, I mean after all the man is looking to hook up.  “You want to go somewhere private?” I asked. 

Fifteen minutes later we were somewhere more secluded. 

Twenty minutes later, it was denim pants on the floor.  That’s just the type of guy I am, going gaily forward for what I want.

Once my little feet landed back in the Mother City - my new home - leaving the flings behind in Jozzie town I wondered, in a city like Cape Town, how do you start the whole dating game over again?  Straight people seem to have a formula worked out that allows for a “market” to take place, where you look at what you want and order it.  The gay world, however, is far more perplexed than merely meeting a man and organizing to meet up again for a date. We are more like a market where you can have a taste before you order.  In fact you can have a few tastes before you decide to invest in what’s on the menu.

With the known cruising spots and easy hook up clubs, the idea of actually trying to talk to someone before we whip it out seems rather bleak. 

So all in the name of research, I stepped outside onto the streets of Cape Town with a head full of ideas on how to make dating a reality or at least try make it into something a little more fun than a mass pile up orgasm after orgasm.

A few uneventful evenings past by before I decided to hit the obvious dating sites.  Eventually I started chatting to a man that seemed somewhat promising.  The whole setting up a meeting time and place was kinda getting me a little hard.  Eventually a date was set.  A late lunch at a fairly quiet coffee shop, followed by a few light cocktails.  It seemed I might have hit the Gaydar jackpot; unfortunately my excitement was expressed far too soon. 

Once we got back to his place, his boyfriend was there to greet us.  Now, I am not a prude and do not shy away from experiences but in this particular situation I was blind-sided.  I was not aware that there was a boyfriend in the picture.  So I made the frame a little larger, and went with the opportunity presented in front of me.  The affair was just like a boiling kettle.  It slowly starts to boil until it reaches point and then it stops suddenly.  So once the sexual anxiety dissipated - for me - it was time to stop.

Almost ready to give up on the routes I have been taking to actually meet guys, I received a message from a man I had a brief interaction with a while back and then he found me on Facebook where we kept in contact.  Now he wants to meet up again, finding himself in the same city as me for the first time in a long time. 

Dressed in my cutest relaxed-first-date outfit, I grabbed a cab to the restaurant and waited patiently for him to arrive.  The night turned out to be a classic first date.  Sipping on the Vodka Martini’s and chatting about all things relevant, it was easy to write this date as one of the best dates ever.  And then something odd happened.  We did not go to bed together.  Now it all seemed very seductive, riding on the back of his scooter in the middle of the night and I thought it was a goodie, for both of us.  But a few mild messages back and forth, it all just disappeared. 

Maybe the point is not to jump the gun.  Maybe one should be patient.  Or maybe, just stop looking; have as much fun as you can and eventually that guy will come around that just makes you laugh.