Published December 2011 issue:
By Juanne-Pierre de Abreu
So, it comes to an end. It al began as a column trying to understand love and loss. Trying to understand what it takes to ‘get over’ someone. And most importantly, trying to get to the bottom of the idea behind this thing they call love.
I began writing this piece when a man I was so hopelessly in love with decided to break up with me. We had by no means a stable relationship but we were in love with each other nonetheless.
We met at the end of 2009. Started seeing each other early 2010 but since March 2011 we have been separating and trying again, breaking up and getting back together and we both adopted different tactics in order to help forget, or help move on. Trying to make the other jealous, big displays of affection, public outbursts of disappointment were all used to get our loves attention. The silly thing is we still had each other’s attention, affection and heart.
Was it all a pointless game? Was I acting like a stubborn child? Did I ask for more than I was giving? Am I a bad boyfriend? All of these questions ran through my brain as I tried to figure out a possible solution to our impossible situation.
So what have I learnt about love? Is it real? And do we deserve it?
I know three things for sure:
Firstly, We cannot help who we fall in love with and the idea of searching for love is really a pointless quest. If we cannot control what our hearts want then in actual fact we do not know what we are looking for when we say we are looking for love. Never try pin up an idea of love to the face of the man who actually loves you. Never judge love that is knocking on your door because of your own preconceived notions. And always be prepared for whatever love may turn out to be for you.
And with that, the idea of trying to ‘get over’ a man you are in love with is equally ridiculous if loving another being is so out of our control. There are no 10 steps to forgetting the love of your life. There is no quick fix remedy to encourage the process of closure.
Secondly, nothing lasts forever. Things in life always come to an end, eventually. Most things have an expiration date on them but that is not to say we should try look for the end date. We should not focus on how long we have with a person but cherish having a person. Enjoy it while it lasts and while it is still fresh. Never take love that is given to you for granted. Never believe it will always be there to hold your hand or wipe a tear. So, if that love is but a moment in your life you need to take it and swirl it around until it turns into an amazing experience in a moment of your life.
Third, love unconditionally. It is the hardest thing to understand and even harder to practice but if you are truly in love with someone, love all of them and not just the pieces. We all have good and bad. Made up of light and dark. And somehow we all try get some sort of balance in life as we play our demons versus our angels. So if you want him to love you completely be prepared to do the same.
Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving of you,
Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you
Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you
Consumed by fire with my love for you
I remember what you said to me.
I am thinking of your love for me
I am torn for your love for me
Pain and more pain
Where are you going with my love?
I am told you will leave me here
I am told you will go from here.
My body is numb with grief
Remember what I said my love
Godbye my love goodbye.
So this is A Slice of Gay Pie signing out.
In Loving Memory of Mijo Skoro 7/11/1970 – 1/11/2011