Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Ghosts of Lovers Past... "I"

As I sit back for the first time with a clearer head or rather calmer one I look back at the times that have brought me to this very point. I look at the loves that have a piece of my soul with them. One thing I realize I am capable of so much love, for none of my lovers were ever loved the same way. My heart is big enough for each one to have their very own piece.

"I" is for...In the beginning...

the one that taught me how to love, to make love, to be loved. It is a relationship that sets the bar for relationships to come and its a pretty damn high bar! So where did it all go wrong? Is it all purely based on the fact that we need to experience other people before we can wholeheartedly commit to one person?

In our twenties, we as gay men are really starting to come to terms with who we are therefore a lover can often be a crutch for us to lean on so we feel loved even if we are yet to discover if in fact we love ourselves. We are basically going through gay puberty. Its all a learning process and this, stage 1, i feel we need to discover ourselves more before we decide to show someone what we have to offer others because we dont yet know what we have to offer and what we want.

I needed to spread my gay wings and fly, solo, till my fingertips touch the deep blue sky and all that is below me is a tiny smudge of what resembled my life. From the view now I realize i should have handled his heart with care...I was careless on my road to being carefree.

So far stage 1 is over, my gay penis is growing from stage blue to stage pink...
Till next time
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