Monday, May 23, 2011

I Just Miss Him

So, the anniversary starts to creep up on me.  I thought that it would all feel different by the time I got here but my life just seemed to carry on.  The past few days have been really hard, spending the weekend with a friend crying on his shoulder about the fact that this week last year was the last time I spoke to my dad.  And I just miss the man so terribly much!

I still remember sitting next to his bed last year this time telling him that I could not stand to look at him in the sate that he was in.  Now, looking back, I feel like a total dick for saying that to him but honestly, at the time I thought that he would get better.  I believed he would pull out of it.  Unfortunately he did not and now there is no more time to sit next to the bed, talking about crap or just sitting in silence.  Now there is no more silly emails from my pops or a surprise deposit into my account to remind me he is thinking of me.  I miss the man so damn much.

So to every person who has ever lost someone to the cold kiss of death my sympathy goes out to you and with that same hand stretched out I tell you that you are not alone, so many of us in this world have lost someone so dear to us and we carry on, masking up the pain and the hurt, believing that time heals all wounds.  It really doesn't, time just keeps life rolling along and ones life just goes along with it but the hurt of longing to speak to someone you can never speak to again is everlasting.  So I just miss the man so terribly much.


DeepBlue said...

I agree. But those who are gone want us to move on and live our lives to the fullest. But we must take the time to mourn too and not deny the pain. Otherwise, it'll come back at us later. I lost my life partner two years ago!
Take care!

Juanne-Pierre said...

I am sorry to hear that.
The realization of never hearing that voice again has really started to settle in, so although I feel I have mourned the loss the actuality of it all has become more real than just the realization.