It just happens, like walking down a hot beach for miles you barely notice how long you have been walking when suddenly that first tide-coming-in wave washes over your hot and sandy feet. Life is walking down a hot sandy beach and love is that cool ocean kissing the top of your feet.
It just happens.
One night I am sitting in a bar telling a girlfriend that a guy sitting on the couch has the sexiest neck I have ever seen. Now you see, I have a total neck fetish. Love them. Give me an interesting neck and I will chew on it like a puppy with a new play toy... delicious. Once my darling girlfriend goes off to the bathroom - on my command of course - I stare at the sexy neck man to at least see if he acknowledges my presence. Not only does he see me but he comes over to ask me for a lighter. I politely light his cigarette. With a cute smile from him and a little one eyed wink from me we part ways.
After the whole 'turn to see if he is still looking' game we eventually found ourselves side by side at the bar having a few drinks. Drinks at the bar turned into drinks at a lounge next door. I worked it, pulled out all the cute little side banta jokes followed with the ever dreamy pearly white grin of mine, admittedly I was smitten from the word go. I was totally crushing on this guy it was ridiculous. I did not even want to wait, I wanted him to join me back at my place that very night. Unfortunately, or cleverly, he had to take a friend home and could not accompany me back to my place - please who are we kidding here - back to my bed. So I had to settle for giving him my number.
I was so sure I had it in the bag. I was getting that call. I mean he came up to me and then I was as charming as all get out... wasn't I? Was I too much? Did I come off as trying too hard? Because I can tell you that call never came. I waited and waited and that damn call never came through.
Bullshit! I felt so silly. So silly that I went off to the sauna near campus to have a little tickle with some married man I will never see in my life again.
After a few more married men tickles I got bored and just threw myself back into studying.
Imagine my surprise one night wired to the max out on the Melville streets and this blue eyed dream boat approaches me and says "Do you have a light" Please, I know this boy with his delicious neck and if he is pulling that exact same line with me again, albeit 3 months from the initial encounter, he was mine. Right? He wants me too? He is just a little chicken shit to close the deal. But that is fine, I like the effort first, it makes it easier for me to seal it off in the end. Unfortunately I was already on my way home because I was about to 'wake' up to go away on a family vacation. Not letting him slide I did the unthinkable, I invited him along. He said sure, and he even picked me up and drove. That was the first time my parents would meet another gay guy besides myself and it was over an entire weekend and we shared a room. And that is the first time I fell in love.
Almost seven years ago that man came into my life and flipped it around. Well, granted my life was a series of gross drug binges so it was not difficult to actually flip it around but he came along and flipped it all on a new direction. He made me see past my uninteresting and jejune life. He reminded me that there is more to me, and to life and together that boy and I grew up and taught each other what loving someone else was all about.
You never forget your first.