Geoff - Monkey dust - First time cottager

haha

Mediterranean Climate Says What?

Moving from an area where winter temperatures drop below zero to an area where the lowest temp averages around 10 degrees C, I figured that the winter would be a breeze as I would not have to wear as much clothes or have to be decked out in winter’s thickest wooly warmers.  I never actually gave any thought to the whole Mediterranean climate and how that will actually affect me.   How do I prepare?  What do I wear?  And what should I be looking out for in terms of getting sick because of the areas natural weather conditions? 

What a Mediterranean climate really means is that the rainy months happen in winter as apposed to the summer rainfall I was use to back up on the Highveld.  Now I figured a little rain in winter would be pleasant instead of the face cracking dryness that no amount of moisturizer can combat but once I was living the little bit of winter rain it all proved to be far more troubling than just a case of a little bit of water.  There is also the unexpected and ever dangerous wind and teaming it up with the fact that it rains just about anytime, I was heading for an ear infection.  It was made worse by the fact that I kept thinking I was hit by the flu and the past few days was a bunch of self-medicating for the wrong prognosis which ultimately did absolutely nothing except numb out the fact that I was slowly going deaf.

Eventually I was deaf with only the ringing in my ears.  So I climbed in a cab and went to the hospital for help.  Something was wrong and I thought maybe I was having a reaction to the medication I was taking on my own accord.   

Here’s to the great staff at Cape Town’s 24 hour Emergency Medi Clinic for doing such an amazing job at helping me deal with the pain through the night and then fighting the infection.

But now I have been in bed trying to get my hearing back to optimum efficiency and at the same time I have quit smoking.  Looks like asthma has also snuck up on me so I have had to replace my little cancer sticks with a pump that allows my little girl chest to open up and take a breath.

So what is the lesson?

Keep warm and dry.

Stop smoking.

Stay out of the wind.

Go to a doctor the second you feel sick.

Enjoy The Silence-Depeche Mode(Timo Maas remix)

Monkey Dust: Geoff meets the Queer Wolf

Tattoo

Sinner -

Jeff is a beautiful body trapped in the mind of a prude.  He is constantly thinking about sex but he never acts on any of his fantasies.  A simple chance encounter in a supermarket will set his mind on a track like a train through a scenic route, slowly seeing so much but never actually being involved.

Jeff never felt comfortable when flirtation came his way.  He thought, to not experience any heart palpitations from the added anxiety, excitement and shear nervousness, was always the safer option. 

Jeff worked at a quiet advertising company as a copywriter.  Jeff was always very nervous when his boss was around.  His palms would sweat and he would forget his words mid sentence.  Why had he never expressed any of these emotions to anyone?  For the obvious reason: it’s the Boss.  A diligent worker and never late Jeff proved himself a valuable employee and his boss favored him above all the other employees.  One day, after closing a really big account, Jeff was invited to a celebratory lunch with the Boss.  Jeff’s excitement was palpable but this was work, so he would have to put his anxiety and nerves in his pocket for the meantime and go celebrate with the Boss.  Jeff sat at the edge of his seat the entire lunch totally distracted by his feelings for the Boss.  “Why can I not just relax and be professional?  And why don’t I have the courage to bring it to the surface slightly?  Just a little.  Just gauge the reaction, Jeff”, he thought to himself as he sat opposite his very handsome boss.  He felt like a kid who was celebrating his birthday tomorrow and that excitement along with the help of a little wine pushed Jeff forward.  So far forward in fact that Jeff kissed the Boss.  The Boss did not react as hoped; instead he shrugged a bit, mumbled some words, stood up and left.  Jeff was mortified.

Later that night, after sweating it out the dance floor with some friends in hopes of forgetting his embarrassing ordeal, he stumbles out of the club just before the sun is about to peak its face over the mountain.  Jeff stands and sways gently for a while in the middle of the sidewalk looking to the mountain, then at his watch, then back at the mountain.  He wondered whether or not he should just call it a night.  He wondered if he should go back inside to let his friends know he was contemplating going home.  He wondered if he should just wait a little bit longer, he might still get laid and then hopefully he could forget the smacking-lips-with-the-Boss-fuck-up really happened.  And with that single reminding thought he wanted to immediately get a cab and go back to his safe bed, alone.  He couldn’t forget it.  He was a fool for trying.  It only made matters worse.  Now he is plastered, standing on the streets, moments before dawn.  He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he knew then and there that his best bet to save the little bit of dignity he has left was to get in a cab and get himself home.

In the cab he mumbled the address and naturally the driver could not understand him.

“Where to Sir…?”

“Do you know Mavericks?”

“On Buitenkant street, Sir?”

“Yes, the strip place… take me there”

“Okay… Sir.”

Jeff is so drunk that when the cab came to a stop he paid and hopped out, completely forgetting that he lived about a block up from Mavericks.  So as he started to walk to his apartment building a very beautiful coloured woman approached him.  Everything moved a little slower as she approached.  Her hair swirled in the breeze with absolute grace, no faults, never covering her eyes or mouth, perfection.  She walked with such confidence.  She had tight jeans on with boots up to her knees, a soft flowing tank top that moved with her body as if breasts and cotton were caught in a dance of unison.  She was this Amazonian walking out of the jungle towards him.  She oozed sex and it pissed off the already pissed Jeff before she had even said a word.

“Hi, sorry to bother you but I….”

“Look, I am toooo drunk for a tik whore right now.

“Excuse me?  What did you just say?”

“Pleashhe, leave me lone!”

Jeff stumbled to the floor and the beautiful stranger helped him to his feet. 

“Please, please, I don’t have money for you.  Just leave me be.”

She puts both her hands on his face and rearranges his face so he’s only inches away from hers.  Jeff stared straight into her eyes and the world behind her turned black.  Everything sank into a sort of nothing as her eyes captivate him completely.  He heard drums start to play, a strong marching beat, the sound echoed in his head. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  You seek the love not the sex and yet you stand in front of me in judgment because I appear to be a… stripper?  I appear to have the… sex… you dream of?  You are nothing but a wimp!”

The wind starts to swirl around Jeff’s head and his eyes roll in the back of their sockets as though he were about to pass out.

“Sinnerrrrrrr…….”  She says before everything turned completely black.

Jeff woke up the next morning in his bed, hung over to the maximum.  He gets out of bed and walks towards the toilet, unfortunately his member was rock hard so he couldn’t urinate with ease.  He stood there for a while swaying, waiting for the trickle to come to an end.  It took him some time until the night before started rushing back to him. 

“Did I pass out?  How did I get home?  What happened to that woman?” 

Looking down, he is still hard and not completely emptied either however the ordeal was starting to get painful.  He starts to stroke his rock hard member in order to get it to go down.  After he climaxes he thought, “All good”, but still his cock remained like rock.

Realizing he was running late for work, he quickly slipped on a double pair of underwear for that day, along with the baggiest jeans, all in an effort to disguise the obvious bulge he had in his pants.  Even once he was at work behind his desk his boner persisted.  Strangely he was not worried.  He was more turned on than ever. 

Soon Jeff is summoned into the Bosses office.  He had completely forgotten about the kiss and his obvious hard-on was not going to make this meeting any easier.  The Boss had a corner office.  It was not the biggest office but it had the best view.  He had a glass desk as not to obstruct the view in any capacity.  He was a man that liked to look.  At first Jeff stood in front of the clear desk, with nowhere to hide his erection, and the Boss just looked at him.  He wanted to say something but as he opened his mouth the bulge in Jeff’s pants immediately distracted him.  They were speechless for a while.  Then the Boss spoke.

“Whip it out then Jeff.  Just show it to me so we can get this over and done with.  You are by far my best employee so lets just get this sexual tension out of the way?”

“Sir… I don’t know if…”

“Jeff! I know you enjoy your job, stop being so scared and just do it.”

Jeff unzipped and pulled his penis out.  The excitement of it all was too much and he immediately ejaculated across the glass table.  There he was, sprayed across from one end to the other.  He had very impressive range and the Boss was obviously impressed.

An hour later, Jeff emerged from the Bosses office with his bulge still prevalent.  He did not stop there.  The first person to smile at his bulging crotch, he paneled.  In the bathrooms, a lonely hallway or even a quiet stairwell was the perfect place for Jeff to screw his brains out.

He became a man with an everlasting hard-on.  He did not eat.  He could not sleep.  Jeff could only fuck.

Jeff cannot stop.

I'm in Love-- Antony & The Johnsons

Perving Without Feeling Perverted.

 What sucked me in this weekend as i refused to leave the comfort of my bed... a television series called "Spartacus"
I have not heard of it before I just saw this beefy man on the cover and thought, hell why not.  and I am pleasantly surprised.
The first episode is nothing but a bad made for TV version of 300.  Even with the red cape swooping in the wind and it is very lame.  I thought I was in for something stupid but when the next episode rolled around and the first sauna scene, I was hooked.  As a gay man I was hooked on the beautiful nudity so unabashedly presented but as a story teller I was encapsulated by the dark world of the gladiators and magnificent Rome.

And here comes my new little television crush:

Manu Bennet, he is just up my street, early forties, bulky, beefy, dark hair, dark eyes, a scar on his face and totally upfront and comfortable with his nudity.  He starts off as the cocky nemesis of our protagonist but as his story unravels it becomes rich and sweet.  Which made me wonder something, do women enjoy nudity on screen?  Do they appreciate it the way I do?  And if not, who are they really displaying this nudity for?


Furthermore, there is a scene where one of the gladiators is fucking this girl in front of the high society.  A woman marvels at his thrusting and utters the words "bashing her like a bull", this is rather hot!

Throw in some very gory fight scenes, a dive into the underworld, a penis made of wax and some very beautiful costumes and I think we have something that is very rare to find, some Adult Television.  So now we can jump between the Vamps on True Blood and the Gladiators on Spartacus.  Have fun Late Night Viewers.

Jack Johnson - Cocoon (CHORDS INCLUDED)

How can you not feel a little something, if not for the beautiful, enigmatical words of love then for the beautiful, enigmatical man singing them.

For Serious

I really do not know how to put this...
I have been in and out of the hospital for the last two weeks allowing the people that work there to scan my brain looking for any damage or tumor.  Then lights were flashed in my eye while nodes were attached onto my head so they can measure the brain activity.  Then blood was sucked out and sent away for various tests.  From a GP, to a neurologist and settling on a psychiatrist they have finally concluded that my epilepsy has moved.  So now how do I break this down to make it simple to understand even for myself...

So, lets pretend brain activity is like a mexican wave, rolling around a stadium in unison.  Epilepsy would be, as the wave approaches, everyone at that point in the stadium just standing up and sitting down at random and constantly.  It breaks the flow of the wave, the flow of energy.  And why are these people doing this, excitement!  And that is where the seizure comes from, the excitement threshold which, in my case, is very low.  And this is why I struggle opening presents in front of a person that just gave it to me, the anxiety, I literally feel like tunnel vision sets in and everything around this gift does not exist, I cannot see beyond it.

It is not a lack of activity but too much activity which then results in a person loosing control of their body and having a seizure.  and here is where I learnt something new.  a seizure is different depending on where the over activity is coming from in the brain.  Now I have not had a seizure like I use to have for a while.  I assumed that it is the medication that is working.  However, the over activity has moved from a part of the brain that would effect my motor skills to a part that effects my emotions.  So instead of loosing consciousness  and convulsing, I am more prone to mood swings, dizziness and disorders like agoraphobia.  Admittedly I have not been out of my home for a while and I cry too much but I fucking finally know what the fuck is going so wrong in my head.  I assumed I was just depressed.

So, if you are someone with bi-polar disorder or suffering from depression then you are probably on the same medication as what I take.  Read side effects, they  play a part in your everyday life.  For instance, Lamictin is a med I was on for years and the increase was subtle so I did not realize it at first but those meds can cause hallucinations and I use to hear things so vividly.  I use to keep it to myself out of fear that I was just going crazy and slowly I drove myself crazy when in fact it was the wrong meds for me.

Read your side effects.  Talk to your doctor regularly and find a doctor that asks way too many questions.  And find someone to talk to about it all - this is something I struggle to do, I still have not even told someone that I have been through all of this, so dont be a coward like me, I am sure people are more kind than I think they are - I guess I feel so alone in this and the only reason for that is because I never say anything.  I try not burden people with my condition because at the end of the day it is something I am still yet to learn how to live in unison with.

I like to think we all pretend we have a grasp on certain aspects in our life that we in fact don't, mine is my health... actually, it's my brain and not my health.  I am a pretty healthy young man but my brain, it just over works itself.

Art in Cape Town

A retrospective exhibition of the artist, Vladimir Tretchikoff, will open to the public at the Iziko South African National Gallery on 26 May. While Tretchikoff is undoubtedly one of South Africa’s most controversial artists, much maligned in the 1960s and onwards by several members of the established arts community, there can be no doubt that he has become a cultural icon and remains a favourite artist to many South Africans.

It is very much like poster art with these very bold colors that some how still come off very opaque.  I am a fan of Poster.  If you find art on my wall it will most definitely be poster art.  .  

Should we be boozing and blogging?

I will let you in on a little secret... the guys I tend to date... they all remind me of someone I have seen in a movie or television show.  Yip, I get turned on by 'impersonation' rather than the real thing.  but no, I do not get hot from impersonators.

Here's the deal, it all began with "Chopper".  An actor stood out so much, I mean so so much that I was turned on.  Not by the way he looked (and that is not to say that the man isn't delicious) but by his talent, and I get that some guys out there are not turned on by things like talent, but I am.  Therefore I remembered that name and I payed attention to his career over the years.  Chopper was released in 2000 and I have had the hugest crush on Eric Bana and I know, no one knows this about me.  I have been secretly Jonezing after Mr Bana since I was in Std 9.  And yes, I am old enough to be able to call it Std 9 and not Grade whatever.  Once upon a time in late 2009 I thought I saw him, only it was just a man that looked like him.  I only really approached my 'Eric Bana' look alike in 2010, actually, he only payed attention to me in 2010, nonetheless I had his attention.
The point to all of this... I miss Eric Bana so much, hey.  What do I do, I rent "Troy" and "The Time Travelers Wife" just to get a little bit closer to that fuzzy feeling looking at Eric Bana brings.  So admittedly this is one of those half-a-bottle-of-pinotage posts but what else can one do on an odd day besides polish of some wine and watch some movies that make us feel like its all ok?
It all seems rather sweet/pathetic until night time comes and I realize that I have to get on with it yo'.  I am not getting any younger and there is only so much longer this little face/body is going to get me laid... right?
So... what do you do...HEY?  When our steam slowly starts to dissipate and the engine turns slower? But because it's winter I hit my nearest video store.  I really hate cold.

and after reading this post... I think YES!  Us bloggers need to be doing more drunk blogging, I mean this shit has spell check, so lets see what a bunch of inebriated minds can come up with... haha!

A Relationship That Makes You Feel Alive

"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive." 
— Rainer Maria Rilke (Letters to a Young Poet)


What does this mean to you?


"Letters to a Young Poet" is a Book that was close at hand while I was train hopping across Europe.  Not able to speak any of the languages and forced to navigate myself from place to place, it was comforting to have something that would always provide a little bit of enlightenment on never giving up on my journey of discovery.


This quote will always be one of the best motivational quotes in my life.  For me, it means that I must step out of my day to day life and live with no exceptions.  To put fear in my back pocket and say "Yes, I will give it my all and I will strive for happiness"
So what does it pertain to?  My trip?  New discoveries?  Different experiences?
Ultimately it is about feeling, feeling some sort of fulfillment when it comes to happiness in the broadest sense of the word.  So at the time of backpacking it was about looking beyond the tourist line towards things not so common.  It was about living that time, the relationship I was having with exploration, to new heights.  
In a relationship, well it is about not being afraid of something new that undoubtedly brings change. To give yourself over, not to another but to the idea of love, to the idea of loving a person completely and without hesitation, to love someone unconditionally, that is when we truly start to feel the all encompassing emotion of happiness that love always delivers.  


To be alive and to feel alive are two completely different things.
So, don't be afraid of something new... it more often than not turns out to be exciting!  and that excitement makes you feel more than any adrenalin rush in the world.  And is that not the whole point to living... to feel like we are living, to feel we are alive.

Tattoo Me Up

I was asked to do a photo shoot which was really all about my tattoo, however the photos turned out really awesome and I am so chuffed I want to share what Mr Gray has done for me....

Find Mr Gray at alphaboyphotography@gmail.com

Are We Ever Really Looking?

Here is my article in this months Exit:

In Cape Town, a city that acts like a doorway in which the entire world passes through during summer, we are left wondering how many viable possibilities are there to fall in love?  When beautiful men from all over the globe crowd our city streets like a battalion of sardines during the July rush, the options for variety are insurmountable however is love ever an option?  Are holiday romances devoid of any emotional attachment or affiliation?  Or is that romance as real as a glossy blood red toffee apple at Ratanga Junction, sweet, delicious and a must-have but when it’s devoured it is devoured.  When looking for love, are we ever really looking?

If our love is like a well and each man that comes along has some water, will there be any left for the man that deserves the water?  Similarly, should we be so careless as to take others water just because we can?  In relationships the water is passed back and forth which keeps both wells full.  In a codependent relationship, one will always be taking more and not replenishing.  However, some men offer too much water and never take any back for themselves.  With all this back and forth and tug of war, we are left to believe that a relationship is based on a give and take method, and this made me think of sex.  Does sex ever really mean more when it is with someone you love?  In a time where no one has affairs to remember, where asking for a name comes at the end of coming, and kissing on the mouth is debatable I wonder, when did we take the road to perdition?  Why have we all forsaken passion for lust? And when did Tiffany stop serving Breakfast?

I have two contrasting stories for you:

Two boys met in a club, both the same age, both partying like crazy and both smolderingly good looking.  One thing led to another and then by the end of the night they were back at one of the guys’ home.  They fell asleep.  They did not have sex.  The next few days they got together and went for lunches and made out like teenagers but waited to have sex.  When that night finally arrived they fumbled over each other, things were awkward and it was just bad sex.  Is this the red light?  Is this a sign? And should they have waited till now? 

The other couple met in a bar.  They hooked up the first night they met and both of them thought it would be left there.  One was a notorious twinkiniser, successful, mature, refined and the other was a thrifty boy with a quick wit and gorgeous smile. Their chance encounter was to be the mature mans fun and the thrifty boys rebound, however their minds would prove them wrong.  Thinking about each other everyday the two could not resist the pull of the other.  What started out as a rebound/fun turned into real love… Is this just a fairytale?  Would the point that they fell in love be different if I told you that today they are not together?  Does a companionship need to be everlasting in order for the love to be considered real?  And does sex ever really play apart in determining what a relationships outcome will be?

We have all given up the quest for love and adopted a quest to climax, abandoned osculation for mutual masturbation and forsook the bond between two men for the bondage of three.  Has the diary of dating decorum been lost on our generation or is the idea of two men dating before tea bagging just lame.

In a city notorious for one-night stands and dark bar hook-ups, of quick relationships and relentless chasing, of beach time bonking and sweaty sauna sex, I threw down the gauntlet and went to watch a movie on my own.  I walked to the Labia, bought my ticket, scooped up some popcorn and relished in the relationship I have.  The one I have spent twenty-eight years building. We are far too important to give ourselves away to any man that asks, and when we spend time alone we remember just how important we are.

Dinner and a movie me up guys!  I am old school that way and show me an old school man that can hold down his lascivious nature and his licentious mind and replace it with chivalry and restraint.  Where has the romance gone?  Where have all the good men gone?  Where’s that street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

It is all about waiting and not about looking.  Love affirmations are about putting love out there and not putting our bodies out there.  To restrain from lust for love is very difficult.  To hold back pleasure for purpose can prove challenging.  Can it be done?  And is it really worth it?  We need to want love in order to get it because wanting provides the fuel we all need to achieve.

Real Horror Films

It's been a day of work as I prepare for a meeting tomorrow.  Flipping through a horror script and breaking it down is what the most part of my day was spent doing.  To keep in line with the genre I was working in I decided to get a film that I could watch in between work to break the concentration yet not distract me.  Hello "The Cove"

I have avoided watching the film because, well, I am just a big old softy when it comes to watching animals die.  It really pulls at my heart so I need to be in the most objective mood in order to view it, so not to take it personally.  But how can you not take this personally?

I have had the pleasure of swimming with a dolphin out in the ocean.  Brief, nowhere near what I experienced with a whale shark, but enriching to the soul nonetheless.  The idea that people would corner these dolphins up and butcher them till they die is disgusting.  And for no real good reason.  To see the water, of what looks like a beautiful little beach, turn red from the blood of the dolphins is a little soul crushing to watch.  I can't help but shed tears while I write this.

So if you are one for documentaries that shock, then you need to watch this.  However if you are someone who would give something as horrific as this a skip, there is something you need to know:

Dolphins DO NOT belong in captivity.

Lament in G

I need more to my life than partying and cruising.  I need to feel more.  As an emotional being I tend to relish in the extremities of my emotions however, of late, I have been feeling that something exterior needs to make me feel more and my own personal life needs to make me feel less.  In other words I dont want the joke that is my love life to be the sole reason I feel - on a deeper level of course -anything at all.  Is there not more to life than this?  Can I not express emotion which does not necessarily pertain to a personal problem in my life?  Just cry and forget about it because it is fairly removed from me?

So I went to the theatre.  Found something I wanted to see.  Bought a ticket.  Dressed in my best skater boy-meets-gay-theatre-goer finest.  Stepped out onto the road and walked the block to the theatre.  and for that hour and a half I was thoroughly entertained.  I felt so much.

Lament is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.


This story was just that.  Something really sad and heavy to swallow, told with music, song and poetry.  What attracted me was the bilingual nature of the play.  In essence we have a couple, an afrikaans boy and an english girl, who fall madly in love with each other however once Beth experiences a horrific ordeal she is unable to inebriate the pain she feels and slowly she is driven mad by her own unwillingness to forgive, forget and move on.  This consumes her to such a degree that she alienates her lover.  He, in turn, is frustrated that he cannot help his wife, he cannot seem to get his career off the ground and he is completely frustrated at his constant shortcomings in every aspect of his life.


There is some cool dancing going on, some awesome lighting and by the end she lifts her 'hobby' into the air.  The violin pulling at my hearts strings and the idea that this woman, consumed with anger and grief, spent her life trying to put something beautiful together.  Something to make her life seem beautiful.  I cried my little eyes out.  It was so emotionally charged that I could not help but feel.  I felt the pain of regret, I felt the pain of hard work and I felt the pain of a person's slow fall into a pit of madness.  


Plus there is some serious eye candy yo'.  I have like a little theatre crush on one of the actors in the play... I'm not going to say who for hopes that one day I will build the courage to go up to him and say that I am Jonesing after his talent...  Delicious!


So if you need to remind yourself that you are a person who feels... Get yourself to the Arena Theatre on Campus for Lament in G.  It is absolutely brilliant.  This play is off the hook brilliant!!!


So go see it guys, however going to a play by yourself requires some serious bravery... don't ask me how I do it!