Are We Ever Really Looking?

Here is my article in this months Exit:

In Cape Town, a city that acts like a doorway in which the entire world passes through during summer, we are left wondering how many viable possibilities are there to fall in love?  When beautiful men from all over the globe crowd our city streets like a battalion of sardines during the July rush, the options for variety are insurmountable however is love ever an option?  Are holiday romances devoid of any emotional attachment or affiliation?  Or is that romance as real as a glossy blood red toffee apple at Ratanga Junction, sweet, delicious and a must-have but when it’s devoured it is devoured.  When looking for love, are we ever really looking?

If our love is like a well and each man that comes along has some water, will there be any left for the man that deserves the water?  Similarly, should we be so careless as to take others water just because we can?  In relationships the water is passed back and forth which keeps both wells full.  In a codependent relationship, one will always be taking more and not replenishing.  However, some men offer too much water and never take any back for themselves.  With all this back and forth and tug of war, we are left to believe that a relationship is based on a give and take method, and this made me think of sex.  Does sex ever really mean more when it is with someone you love?  In a time where no one has affairs to remember, where asking for a name comes at the end of coming, and kissing on the mouth is debatable I wonder, when did we take the road to perdition?  Why have we all forsaken passion for lust? And when did Tiffany stop serving Breakfast?

I have two contrasting stories for you:

Two boys met in a club, both the same age, both partying like crazy and both smolderingly good looking.  One thing led to another and then by the end of the night they were back at one of the guys’ home.  They fell asleep.  They did not have sex.  The next few days they got together and went for lunches and made out like teenagers but waited to have sex.  When that night finally arrived they fumbled over each other, things were awkward and it was just bad sex.  Is this the red light?  Is this a sign? And should they have waited till now? 

The other couple met in a bar.  They hooked up the first night they met and both of them thought it would be left there.  One was a notorious twinkiniser, successful, mature, refined and the other was a thrifty boy with a quick wit and gorgeous smile. Their chance encounter was to be the mature mans fun and the thrifty boys rebound, however their minds would prove them wrong.  Thinking about each other everyday the two could not resist the pull of the other.  What started out as a rebound/fun turned into real love… Is this just a fairytale?  Would the point that they fell in love be different if I told you that today they are not together?  Does a companionship need to be everlasting in order for the love to be considered real?  And does sex ever really play apart in determining what a relationships outcome will be?

We have all given up the quest for love and adopted a quest to climax, abandoned osculation for mutual masturbation and forsook the bond between two men for the bondage of three.  Has the diary of dating decorum been lost on our generation or is the idea of two men dating before tea bagging just lame.

In a city notorious for one-night stands and dark bar hook-ups, of quick relationships and relentless chasing, of beach time bonking and sweaty sauna sex, I threw down the gauntlet and went to watch a movie on my own.  I walked to the Labia, bought my ticket, scooped up some popcorn and relished in the relationship I have.  The one I have spent twenty-eight years building. We are far too important to give ourselves away to any man that asks, and when we spend time alone we remember just how important we are.

Dinner and a movie me up guys!  I am old school that way and show me an old school man that can hold down his lascivious nature and his licentious mind and replace it with chivalry and restraint.  Where has the romance gone?  Where have all the good men gone?  Where’s that street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

It is all about waiting and not about looking.  Love affirmations are about putting love out there and not putting our bodies out there.  To restrain from lust for love is very difficult.  To hold back pleasure for purpose can prove challenging.  Can it be done?  And is it really worth it?  We need to want love in order to get it because wanting provides the fuel we all need to achieve.