We are trained to believe that there are certain targets we are suppose to hit in order to achieve happiness. I have always been more fascinated with the passion for life than the happiness of it. Passion: accepting the suffering in life to truly enjoy the high points as a blissful sky ride through the clouds. A lecture by Matthieu Ricard on happiness would prove me wrong. If we should look at happiness as a form of contentment then sure, live the suffering in order to achieve those extreme highs. However, if happiness was a day to day strive to fill ones life with something good, then maybe the concept of happiness has more to do with personal fulfillment than just general contentment? So should I be living the pain of a break up or striving to forget it to be happy again?
Most of the time I want to step back before making a decision. It proves far too stressful trying to avoid making the wrong choice that choosing nothing seems safe. So I hesitate when I need to give an answer. Does this make me guilty? In my minds eye clarity needs to be achieved in order to make the right decision. Funny how in a court of Law I can get off of murder chargers with reasonable doubt, however in a relationship it makes me feel like a bad person. When did acceptance become a concept for children?
Is the fear of letting go more about a safety net and less to do with rationalizing the end to the end? Is it the comfort of having something to fall into and not the logic behind why? We all strive for a man strong enough to catch us before we fall however the truth is, until we find him we need to appreciate what we already have to back us up as a safety net for the times we fall. I needed a long multi layered conversation with my girlfriends, and my brothers, and my boys, as none are in the city I am in, in order to realize that I have a net. We all build strong nets for ourselves and just because they are not around does not mean that the safety is not there.