Going Down South.

OK.  So I bet you are thinking I am going to give you a quick blow job run down but in real life I am going to rant for a few minutes.
Why is it that artists miss a large part of Africa when they are performing live in a worldwide tour?  Are we not part of the world?
When I am oversees, the amount of concerts one can go to is unbelievable.  If I could I would spend a summer in London just watching live performances however I certainly don't have the financial means to make that a possibility.  So I wait here, patiently, in good old South Africa for artists to come and perform their music, so that I may have the pleasure of feeling the emotional ride I experience when I listen to their music, only live.
So to bring this post back to the first line, this sucks balls!

I have to give a big ups to Skunk Anansie, I have had the pleasure to see them live.  Twice.  Amazing!

Now I am a fan of music, all music, and we do have amazing local things to attend.  Local bands to relish in but once in a while can't the Northern Hemisphere throw us a bone and come perform the music we so delight in.

Artists I would give my left tit to see live:

Antony and the Johnsons

Bjork

Lamb

Everything but the Girl

Sigur Ros

Love

Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you, 
Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you,
Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you,
Consumed by fire with my love for you.
I remember what you said to me.
I am thinking of your love for me
I am torn by your love for me,
  Pain and more pain.
Where are you going with my love from here?
I am told you will go from here.
I am told you will leave me here.
My body is numb with grief.
Remember what I said to you my love.




Goodbye my love, goodbye

It needs to be Fresh.

     Ever been out with a friend who decides at the end of the night they need to smoke a joint, so they buy one from a car guard?
     It has come up a few times now on different occasions and I feel I need to educate.  Those awesome joints you buy yourself, from a car guard, on the street, that make your muscles feel oh so relaxed... well, they have been buttonized!
     Ever watched an American movie and the girl says something about some guy putting a Quaalude in her drink?  Thats buttons, mandrax, they crush it and mix it in with some really shit weed to make you think it really has some kick, but really you are just date raping yourself.

      Effects can include euphoria, drowsiness, reduced heart rate, reduced respiration, increased sexual arousal and some numbness. Taking, or smoking a larger doses can bring about respiratory depression, slurred speech, headache, and light sensitivity.

     An overdose can cause delirium, convulsions, hypertonia, hyperreflexia, vomiting, renal insufficiency, coma, and death through cardiac or respiratory arrest. It's not cool.

     If you are going to do anything, make sure you know what it is that you are doing, what it consists of, what it does, what's too much.  In other words get it fresh, crush it, roll it up and spark.

Eddie Izzard- Death Star Canteen

What is that cracking sound?

It's your heart breaking Juanne.
I have been fighting to find a one true love, a man to settle down with, a man to be complete with, unfortunately I don't think that is in the cards for me.  No matter what I try.
I'll be honest.  I thought I had found him.  My husband.  the first guy I got all girlie like at the idea of being his husband.  I have been so in love that I did not realise the mistakes I was making along the way.  I guess the problem is, that who I am is really good enough for him, but in my attempt to try make him see I am the real deal I went out of my way to prove how perfect I was.  Never possible! 
Nobody is perfect.  That I can understand, but can a love ever be perfect?  Can the love you share with another man ever really be perfect?  Regardless of the heartache I still want to believe there is a perfect love out there for me... and everyone else, who wants it, for a matter of fact.
Time to get back to love, so I am off for a bit.  Going back to Johannesburg for a while, visit my family i so dearly love and give some time for my heart to settle and just wait until I can move into my new apartment.  I guess one huge fucking door just slammed in my face, but the good lord above has managed to crack open a window, and I am going to escape.

So here is to love,
May each and evryone find it:-D

The Perfect Day...

I was asked recently when can I last recall, in my opinion, the perfect day.

One morning, I woke up and decided I need to do something different for the day, something to feel like I got lost in the world around me, just for a day.
So I went to the waterfront, hopped on a faerie, and went over to Robin Island.  Climbed straight onto a little bus that went into the 'town' on the island.  walked past the old little houses, removed my shoes and walked onto the beach.  The sand is so white there and the water is crystal clear.  I walked for a bit before sitting on the sand with the huge Table Mountain spread out in front of me, hugging the city.  I sparked a joint because that is what I like to do and with every puff it felt like the scenery was was filling my lungs gradually, until it consumed me, the shear beauty of the Mother City.

Without anyone to please, or do something for, or hold back a tear out of courtesy for, or even try make a joke just to fill the empty space of silence, I could relax.  My one priority was making sure that I was happy.  With my feet in the white sand, I was.

It's not the idea that no one knows where I am that is so appealing but rather the fact that I don't have to explain how I am feeling to death.  The solitude gives me time to rationalize how I am feeling, or at least try to understand why I feel the way I do.  A man that feels so much needs to break the feelings apart like ingredients in a cake, and understand the importance of each and every little ingredient and why it is important for the cake.

But that cake still needs icing... so, I got my sad and lean little body off of the sand, back to a bus, back to the faerie and back to the harbor.  In my new home preparing a beautiful dinner for my icing, as I wait for him to return from work.

Me - a totally self indulgent piece of work:-D

Really, lets take a look at the many hair styles of Juanne, over the last year or so...

Here I am on the tube.  The timeless brush cut yo'

                                             Barrydale - and my hair is starting to grow out.

Cape Town Harbor - cruising about, with a little bit more length,

Turfontein Race Course - just a little length, able to brush it in a style,

Springs - as the fringe starts to pass my eyebrows,

Mozambique - and my fringe is long enough to brush back for a very preppy look,

Tzaneen - time to lighten up.

Upington - and still just bright and blonde,

Calvinia - the road to change... yet again.

Cape Town - going back to my roots, literally.

I shaved it off a few days ago... back to the beginning yo'

True... Ball and all.

If you have not been watching it you have been missing out on yet another Alan Ball masterpiece.

Alan Ball is an acclaimed writer.  Written two films, the forever classic 'American Beauty' and 'Towelhead', furthermore he was hugely involved in the very dark and funny TV series, 'Six Feet Under'.

Now, he is responsible for 'True Blood'.

Sex, love, life, death, humor and sadness - the ingredients for a rich soup that only Mr Ball can create.

I appreciate his work and look up to him and thats not only because he is a Gay Writer, but a lover of birds too.

Florence + The Machine - Cosmic Love

The Ass Man

 I am just an ass guy.  To see it wrapped up real tight in a pair of cargo's, really gets me going.
Passing a hot cop on the street, gets my blood flowing.

To see his crack, ever so lightly, peaking out the top of a belt, inviting my tongue, to slide down the spine and wet that crack... it's a tease beyond teasing.


and finally, to see his ass all bare.

It drives me wild...





 I want to play with it.

or play with myself and watch it?

I am just an ass guy!

Sigur Ros - Viorar Vel Til Loftarasa - English subtitles

Milked

Lamb Please (Mezzowave Mix)- video @ Pt Pleasent, NJ

Take some Time To Read

This is a very cool read.
I have not yet finished it, only half way, but I really dig the mash of the two different styles.  It's odd but it flows, kinda like two beats that are different, yet when played together create a beautiful melody.
Listen to Lambs - "Please", and you will get my analogy.
I really enjoy the girls having these super fighting skills.  The part in the ballroom when all the girls react quickly, and are back to back, pacing forward, killing zombies as they go along... very cool.

Enjoy.

All is full of love

No Regrets, No mistakes Only lessons

" Is a man that looks for true love a fool?

He learns from all the heartache,

He looks at love like a dog at meat with drool

And lets his soul break.

But the man in loves wave,

Rolls up and down on its gentle swell.

And the soul he can save

Because it’s love, and he fell."

No One's Gonna Love You (Paul Epworth Mix)

Low balling.

One way to play poker is the Lowball game, in which hand values are reversed so that the lowest-valued hand wins... a tactic we can use in life? Can we reverse, say a table of people, so that the one with lowest valued opinion is revered in the end? I think not, there is no way of telling a situation like that up.

For instance, a few nights ago I attending a wonderful night with some friends at a restaurant. My honey was in a cheery mood, and I was enjoying listening to him so much. the odd thing about living with someone, is that we know that person knows pretty much all the 'what I have been up to lately' speech, so I guess in that regard he chose to look at everyone else at the table but me. understandable. Eventually the conversation became very opinionated and of course everyone with a very strong opinion naturally thinks that they are right in thinking that way. However, are things ever really right and wrong? Or maybe it's just a case of right and left.

At one point I noticed one of my friends, who really had no opinion on the topic at hand, looking very sleepy, so I asked if he wanted to go with me to the shop. Naturally I did not actually need anything from the shop, I just thought if I went with him for a little walk, he would liven up, and I also did not want to make it obvious that I noticed his boredom. He did liven up. He actually suggested we have a drink at a bar for a bit. The break revived the man and we went straight back to our original party, but really because I was nervous about being gone so long.

We got back to the table and there was naturally a vibe that settled. I mean, what else could I expect?

The minute I sat down I was thrown a lowball, straight at my nuts, with an odd question about Germans. Now, I have always loved the company of Germans. They are fairly rigid people, with an odd outlook on love but they have one super sense of humor. So, naturally I threw that low ball right back, and that was the end of that evening.

Next time, just pass me a high ball drink with some ice. I would rather be on the highball happy train than playing the lowball idiot game.

Robyn 'With Every Heartbeat'

The United States Of America.... and Men

So, I have never been to the great US of A, but I can't wait to go. Have I had the pleasure of getting more than close with an American hottie? The answer is YES, and gladly so.

No matter what age he is at, an American honey always seems to be the most naive of all the men around the world and in the most admirable kind of way.

My first experience with and US honey was like six years ago.

He was apparently a football player on a bit of a vacation in Cape Town. I managed to get him out of the hotel he was staying in and got him to a restaurant.

He was so apprehensive in the beginning, probably because he came here for a little bit of sex and not an odd dinner date with a South African boy he probably won't see again.

But my smoldering charm and wild looks had him hooked and before the clock struck twelve I was wrestled to the floor by a man that wanted to show me all about the bright RED, WHITE AND BLUE.

Here is to the charming men of America!

Dionne Bromfield - Yeah Right ft. Diggy Simmons [Official Lyrics Video]

We fell in love that day.

To be in love felt like living.

I was a mindless zombie before then, gaily marching forward, until my heart started to beat.

He made my heart start beating. He was a doctor calling out Clear!, his lips a defibrillator - and he shocked my body, my heart, till I gasped

for air as the electrical power of Jerry powered me from within and the surge of adrenaline was screaming at me, “Live, Goddamit, live!”

Fear...

So, I have always been a very brave person. Not to say that I was not scared but I would go head strong and cock first into most of my situations in life. In relationships, in work and in play. Recently I have discovered that I am more fearful than I use to be.

Over the weekend, my lover and I went on a hike with a few other guys through a mountain to go play in some water. I was completely terrified the entire way. The whole time I kept telling myself it was an irrational fear but I was terrified none the less. I was terrified i was going to twist my ankle or fall down while climbing down the rocks.

The place was completely amazing. Really beautiful. and I certainly did not let the fear get in the way of taking in my surroundings. The mountains peaked off so high, like the tallest meringue peaks ever, and there i sat at the bottom of a crevasse with crystal clear water flowing past my feet. It was all so grand.

So why still the fear? The older I get the more I learn, and although I know bones can mend they still have to break first. I am just afraid of pain. What a pussy, hahahaha.

To Share My Life

So, since I was a little boy all I have ever wanted was to find a guy to share my life with. Even as a teen i was more interested in loving another man than just having sex with one and that says enough because what teenage boy is not a little horn dog?

I have always had the same problem though. i always seem to be left behind. It began with "You can't come with me on holiday because my parents don't know about you" and a few years later it became "i don't want you to come with me to Brazil because I want to have fun"... ok, so wether or not I understand their reason for choosing to leave me behind it still hurts like hell. I have never said to anyone 'you can't come with'.

Nothing much has changed. It's happening still and I feel like a little boy on a family holiday again and there is not enough space on the boat out to sea so I will have to stay on land and wait. Always the polite one, i waited without moaning even though IT HURT LIKE HELL.

So my boyfriend has planned a trip to Europe and I am not allowed to join. He thinks it's because I think he will cheat on me but really I am ready to share every part of my life with this man and he wants me only when he actually wants me. (and I think its really because of his ex lover he is going to see and well, to put it lightly, that man and I will never get along, he is way too boring and judgmental for me to listening to anything he has to say, and I have tried, and I think the feeling is mutual.) I know we love each other but is that enough when I want to be Crazy In Love! I want someone I can run away.

So do you take the love that has been given to you or do you keep searching for that man that wants to run away with you?

I am in love with the guy though....

So what do I do, I just try ignore the fact that he is going away but the sad part is my brother is getting married and so far I have not let him in on any of the information. It's not a thought out decision it's natural, to just exclude him from something really wonderful in my life and I so badly want to share my life with him.

so the ever polite boy, I will sit and wait on land for my lover to return and dry my eyes, even though I do not want to wait for him i want to go with him.

Time to find something else to focus on... right?

Sunday Morning Hangovers as time catches up with me

So, to start it off I have epilepsy and really it's my own stupid fault for drinking when I know I not only shouldn't but I actually can't handle it too. Then, being the shy boy in a kilt was something i needed to be prepared for, I mean anyone, and anyone did, can just put there hand up your skirt and have a feel. So admittedly I rely too much on the company I am with when I get drunk.

Last night i was with my boyfriend. I was having such an amazing night getting wasted with him and laughing so damn much. I made the stupid mistake of leaving his side to go get money when really i just needed to walk a bit. being in the Village all the men noticed the stumbling drunk boy, easy prey right? so i just wanted to go home but instead I went back to my boyfriend to tell him i over did it far too quickly but he was busy and passed me another drink. So I went home.

I was so sick for about 15min. totally ridiculous. this was at about 11pm. He arrived home at 3am and he was MMMMMMAD. I did apologise for not telling him but I did try calling him and leaving a message. He says he spent the entire night looking for me but not once did he call me... strange? he even found one of my friends and even then they did not give me a call... strange?

I think the song and dance of trust between two lovers is so close yet so far, a slow percussion with fast movements. I guess i am angry with myself for not telling him I needed to go....

Drink smart guys. I am just getting too old to party the way I use to party, hahaha. time hey, it will get you.

Sexual Evolution


Aquarius are often inconsistent. They can be in love one day and break up the next. To keep an Aquarius man,

take into account that first of all Aquarius’s appreciate friendship,

so you will never be able to build stable relationships with an Aquarius unless he considers you to be his friend. you can still have some pretty amazing sex but it won't build into anything real unless he feels that close, lets go try on clothes together, friendship.

They love their freedom so allow them to breath from time to time.

Energetic and enthusiastic, curious by nature and always up to try something new. Give him a very... very long leash and your respect.

This is one of the most freedom-oriented of all the signs and this individual will not tolerate nagging or any cramping of his style.

Flexibility is also a must with this mate as he enjoys last-minute and/or unexpected surprises.

"Boring" will not be a word you use to describe this relationship as he keeps you wondering what's going to happen next. If you are looking for a partner with whom to have a fair and interesting match, you have found it here.

AIR

Sexual Potential


 The Cancer man is polite, well-mannered, chivalrous and courteous. Good old school gallant gentlemen. He cares for safety, family and traditional values very much.

Very passionate but not the experimental type.

This honey is going to require comfort and safety to be intimate especially if you want to go in any experimental form.

Totally get to know the people that are close to him, especially his mother yo’. And if you succeed, getting the mamma to like you, consider yourself half way down that aisle.

This little crab will back up very quickly into his little hole if he feels like he can’t trust you. Do not arouse any jealousy or suspicion. A cabin on the lake or a mountainside condominium are also attractive to this little honey bear, the only other necessity is to have you right by his side .... This is one honey who can also be counted upon to help out with household chores. Dishes, dusting, sweeping, hedge trimming, and lawn mowing are almost akin to lovemaking (love of home) in his eyes. All you need to do is be 100% loyal and you will be treated like the King or Queen of the Castle. It's quite a small price to pay. WATER

My 100th Post... is that much? mmmmm

So, in spirit of seeing if this blog, or should I say blogger, has anything real to actually say about life, sex and well, really, love... I thought it best just to ramble on... I do not have a point... I am stoned and this is what is in my head.

Good Luck!

The love I have for myself is so deeply rooted in the immense pride I have had to to build for myself as a gay homosexual man. I can't speak for all gay men but as one i can say that I was extremely ashamed of the thoughts I would have as a kid. the amount of self loathing that comes from hating the thoughts no one else can hear really pushed me to find a way to find out what really is right and wrong or good and bad and not really on anyone else's ideas, especially religion. Yeah, good little catholic boy talking.

so what I did was live out in the open when I came out. Maybe live a little too limitless with regards to what people wanted to actually hear but it was my early twenties and i wanted to know how do I train myself to always do what is inherently good, not right but good. But remember that's taking in the fact that what I am thinking in my head is not wrong.

So, religion is wrong, gay is cool. But at the same time, really, checking out what our bible had to say about homosexuality was important. Most of what I found was in the old book and really i have always just been fascinated in Jesus, his humble nature, always making the good choice, he sounds beautiful and admirable. as a kid I always enjoyed hearing about this amazing man... and i still do. so i kinda just went on what Jesus would say and I carried on with my little gay love life sans old book, yeah.

Yeah, so, from where I sit now I wonder if sometimes too liberal, even though more right, is actually bad? Where do we draw the line as gay guys, collectively, on something like that. Is it just a case of turning a blind eye here and there? What is our opinion? I cant seem to get a collective idea, like say for instance we had a town that was 100% gay, gay, gay, totally self sustaining, totally brilliant, and we had to create a set of rules we as a community abide by... what would they be?

So in an attempt to come full circle... I love, i love maybe a little too much so that means I also have a great ability to hate? If so i will put the hate in a good place...

Nell, has to be one of the most irritating movies in the world, I dont get it, it is odd, I find so many faults with it and it irritates me. and it is very very ugly to watch!

Gemini

Sexual Stimulation


To win a Gemini man over, you have to be cheerful, witty and to come off unaware of his charms. Catch him off guard, surprise him and make him laugh out loud.

You want to scare the twins running from you? Mention marriage. This will

immediately threaten their freedom. Let the man know you love him for the

exact way he is and that loving you will keep him this way for a very long time.

He is always in a scramble. And be prepared to listen if you want to have a chance with a Gemini man, remember its two mouths…but that has its advantages. Remember that Gemini is a sign of duality.

You may sometimes feel as though you are living with two different people here and you never can tell which one will present itself. Patience comes in handy if you prefer one twin to the other. It also helps to realize that this being is inherently restless. You will need to be able to keep pace with a good deal of movement around the neighborhood as well as within your home. AIR