To Share My Life

So, since I was a little boy all I have ever wanted was to find a guy to share my life with. Even as a teen i was more interested in loving another man than just having sex with one and that says enough because what teenage boy is not a little horn dog?

I have always had the same problem though. i always seem to be left behind. It began with "You can't come with me on holiday because my parents don't know about you" and a few years later it became "i don't want you to come with me to Brazil because I want to have fun"... ok, so wether or not I understand their reason for choosing to leave me behind it still hurts like hell. I have never said to anyone 'you can't come with'.

Nothing much has changed. It's happening still and I feel like a little boy on a family holiday again and there is not enough space on the boat out to sea so I will have to stay on land and wait. Always the polite one, i waited without moaning even though IT HURT LIKE HELL.

So my boyfriend has planned a trip to Europe and I am not allowed to join. He thinks it's because I think he will cheat on me but really I am ready to share every part of my life with this man and he wants me only when he actually wants me. (and I think its really because of his ex lover he is going to see and well, to put it lightly, that man and I will never get along, he is way too boring and judgmental for me to listening to anything he has to say, and I have tried, and I think the feeling is mutual.) I know we love each other but is that enough when I want to be Crazy In Love! I want someone I can run away.

So do you take the love that has been given to you or do you keep searching for that man that wants to run away with you?

I am in love with the guy though....

So what do I do, I just try ignore the fact that he is going away but the sad part is my brother is getting married and so far I have not let him in on any of the information. It's not a thought out decision it's natural, to just exclude him from something really wonderful in my life and I so badly want to share my life with him.

so the ever polite boy, I will sit and wait on land for my lover to return and dry my eyes, even though I do not want to wait for him i want to go with him.

Time to find something else to focus on... right?